Assertiveness-Then & Now...

As the legend goes, Sudama did not reveal his abject poverty to his friend & lord, but Krishna read his mind & granted him all he had wished for, but not asked! Moral of the Story: God knows what you want, do not be too shameless to demand/beg for it.

All of us have listened to this tale as kids, and somewhere imprinted in our minds that we shall be offered on a plate what we desire, if we pray/wish for the same. No need for asking!

But alas! The real world does not function in the same good ol' fashion. You have to open your mouths, ask, demand, beg and do all what it takes to achieve your coveted goal. No wonder corporates insist on the value of assertiveness. It is the right combination of pleading and fighting (gurus call it negotiating!), a perfect balance of sharp words and silent but sharper gestures. Whether you want a raise from your boss, a selection in an interview, a contract from your client, help from your colleague or even want the office boy to scan your papers first... assert yourself!  Ever felt 'I should have said that', 'he just manipulated me & i couldn't say no', 'how come none of what i want ever happens', 'i couldn't say what i wanted to'... well, there you are!

Assertiveness is different from communication. Communication is merely about conveying your message to the other person (extremely important though), assertiveness is about convincing him of your point.

I'm no management guru, but have learned a few gems in this field during my work stint. Sorry, no college can teach you this, you've got to be working in an hierarchical organisation to even realise its meaning! Here are my key learnings (Disclaimer: Even after loads of tutoring & reprimanding by my boss and despite the n no. of training sessions attended, i've taken long strides, but not perfected the art!) I've employed these (or at least tried to!) during vendor negotiations, client meetings, departmental discussions, and even everyday work to some extent.

• Firstly convince yourself of what you want! This requires a lot of brainstorming before developing a clear picture of what you want. Work out all the nitty-gritties.
• Next, try to gain as much knowledge and information (relevant to the issue) as possible. Knowledge, agreed, can never be complete, but know enough to encompass all possibilities. So, do your homework well!
• Keep the info concrete & handy. Try not to leave any loose strings. Be objective.
• What knowledge can’t, let your words do! Try to think of all the opposing points and prepare your answers accordingly.
• Test the waters first. Listen! The other person too is technically in the same oat as you are. If you know the person well, employ words & tactics that have worked on him before. If you are meeting for the 1st time, study the person, but refrain from judging him.
• Never get personal! Act professional and state only the facts! Keep a check on your tone & volume. At no point in time, get rude or lose you temper.
• Say no. Directly. On the face. And don’t budge.
• It's not necessary to win every argument. You can lose many battles, but concentrate on winning the war!
• Negotiate.
• Let go of arguments that you are losing. Change the topic & come back later if you want. Don't let your opponent do this to you.
• Lastly, remember this is not the end of the world. Even if you lose, your life won't end. This realisation keeps you from getting desperate.

This list is obviously non-exhaustive, but hope it helps!